Problems

I'm not allowed to date. Never have been, never will be. It never really bothered me before I got with him, and only rarely did it bother me once we were together. Sure, I would have liked the freedom of being able to go out with him. After all, we were a couple. But my family has never worked that way. Dating - off limits. Spending time alone with the opposite sex- strictly forbidden. People ask me all the time how any of the girls in my family ever end up getting married. I don't have much a response to the question except that somehow it all seems to work out. Courting is how my parents would like relationships to be cultivated. It's very old-fashioned and all of their kids have cheated and been alone, unsupervised with their significant other, but somehow their rules have worked.

This man I found myself in a relationship knew the rules of the family. But, he never went to my father to ask if he could court me. Instead, our relationship took place over at people's houses and on nights when groups of friends would get together. Steadily he fell in love with me while I stayed on the brink. I liked him, there's no doubt about that. I had a crush on him and I enjoyed the affection he showered on me. But, I wasn't in love with him. In fact, my feelings for him fluctuated constantly. I knew he was falling in love with me and that terrified the crap out of me. I had endless dreams, endless ambition and falling in love and getting married wasn't supposed to happen until I was in my late twenties. But, I wanted to fall in love with him. I saw what a wonderful, strong man he was. I knew I was lucky to be with him and even while my feelings for him fluctuated, I talked myself into staying with him because I thought it would be stupid to leave a man like him.

But, he had a problem. He liked marijuana. A lot. When I first met him he hadn't touched it in nine months. Even when I got with him I never thought he would go back to it. I never would have gotten with him in the first place if I thought he had a serious problem with it. But I did get together with him and not that long into our relationship I started noticing some drastic changes in his behaviour.