How do I move on?

I've been back home with my family for over a week now. Every time I come back to this place I think I've had enough healing to be able to handle it. Every time, I find out differently. I've been able to keep my feelings stifled until yesterday when I caught I brief glimpse of the man I onced loved. It I was being honest, I have to admit that I still love him.

His name is Zane.

I don't think I've ever mentioned that fact before. His name is Zane and I'm still in love with him. But, he's not the man for me. That much I know, but knowing that fact doesn't ease the pain of my heart. After I saw him, I felt my heart collapse on itself in that same horrible pain I felt when my heart was first broken.

I've only caught a glimpse of him twice since I'm been back home and every time I've even seen him for the briefest of moments, I've had that same heartbreaking pain wash over me that I've felt ever since my heart was first torn in two. It's been nine months now since I've even had a conversation with the man, and I keep wondering how much longer it's going to take to finally be over him. How long does it take to move on? How long does it take to find healing from a broken heart?

I'm ready to go back to school and find something, anything to distract me from my thoughts of him. Coming back to such a small town it's impossible to avoid conversations or glimpses of this man. But, part of me doesn't want to avoid it. I still want to see him. A huge part of me longs to be in his company again. To hear his voice, to feel his strong arms wrapped around me again. But, even if I had that for a brief moment, I know it would only make me crave more. Even knowing that it would make it worse, I still want it. I want him in my life. I want him near me. How do I move past this? How do I move on? I know I've only had nine months to get over him, and it's not much in comparision to a two year relationship. But, I sometimes feel like I'm never going to be able to move past him. Past us. How do I move on?